I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The feeling are messing with the penis
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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