tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
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Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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