This girl is more easily done than said...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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