How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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