Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
