I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
