he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
