we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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