Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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