$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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