you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
