i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
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