there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
