I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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