Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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