yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
