Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
