morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
