Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
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The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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