I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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