I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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