i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
