He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
