Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning