if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.