i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.