We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.