Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
