If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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