I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize