We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
