i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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