it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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