the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
