Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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