It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
