So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
