i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
