I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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