A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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