Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize