we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize