haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
