The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
