rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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