i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Come see our sink grown plant.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
