Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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