I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
