I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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