true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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