Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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