You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
