Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
