Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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