that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
