we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My bed is full of blood and feathers
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
