If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
