I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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