So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
