I puked a lego.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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