Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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