I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
