apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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