Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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